The Triumphant Red Sox Blog

Your humble correspondent begs her readers' forgiveness for the delay in this report. Some of you may know that from last Thursday through Sunday, the Red Sox dropped three out of four games to the former Tampa Bay Devil Dogs, a result that left me in a fetal position, weeping uncontrollably. Oh, the shame.

Fortunately, I emerged Monday morning and saw my shadow, forecasting yet another sweep of the New York Yankees. And so it came to pass that over two rainy nights in a half-full, overpriced stadium in the urine-stained Bronx, Jon Lester and Josh Beckett and a posse of Red Sox relievers and hitters kicked ass and took names. Despite toying with their opponents by allowing a few runs, our heroes made the MFY their biatches. Case in point: the much vaunted younger players Robinson Cano and Nick Swisher combined to go 0 for 14, wiping the smirks off their fugly mugs. The less vaunted and older Hideki Matsui was 1 for 5. Melky Cabrera was 4 for 8, but his name (which, as far as I can tell, really is Melky), is so ridiculous that I'm still ignoring him. Mark Teixeira managed to hit two home runs, but for his $20.625 million salary this year, he's still batting below the Mendoza Line.

Which brings us to our daily lesson in baseball terminology. Many have heard but few understand the number known as the "Mendoza Line." So named for former major league shortstop Mario Mendoza (who hit .180 in the 1975 season, .185 in 1976, .198 in 1977 and 1979, and — wait for it —.118 in his final major league season), the Mendoza Line is typically considered to be a batting average of .200. Personally, I believe it's possible to suck even with a batting average slightly above .200, which is why I prefer instead the more obscure "Ainge Line," referring to Danny Ainge's career major league batting average of .220 before he made the very wise jump to professional basketball. I am happy to report that both Jason Varitek and David Ortiz are now hitting above the Ainge Line. And speaking of Ainge, the MFY's Captain Intangibles, also known as The Most Overrated Shortstop of His Generation, made a couple plays in the brief series that made it look like he learned defense from The Danny Ainge Infielder's Instruction Video ($7.99 plus shipping and handling, call before midnight tonight!)

But I digress.

The biggest difference between the two teams wasn't batting (both had plenty of hits and a few home runs). It was pitching. The good guys used a total of six pitchers in their two wins, while that other, lesser team needed 11 pitchers to lose. The MFY pitching staff is in disarray, despite having spent great big Steinbrenner bucks in the off-season on two big-name free agent pitchers to go with their high-paid, big-name, light-hitting first baseman. At this moment, it could be said that the Yankees are the worst team money could buy. If we could replace all our remaining Rays games on the schedule with Yankees games, what a wonderful world this would be.

So the question of the day is... Will the New York Yankees ever win a game against the Boston Red Sox again? Probably, but they'll have to wait a month to try. The two teams meet again at Fenway June 9-11. Mark your calendars. And since these two teams always manage to play painfully drawn-out games (Monday's game ended at 1:15 a.m., thanks in part to a 2 1/2 hour rain delay), don't forget the No-Doze.

In other news, we have another two-game mini-series tonight and tomorrow, this time against the Cleveland Indians in Boston. Tonight's pitching match-up: Justin Masterson vs. Carl Pavano. Sox fans may remember Pavano as the prospect Dan Duquette traded to the Montreal Expos to get The Former Red Sox Pitcher Whose Name Shall Not Be Spoken (but his initials are P*dro Martin*z). Best move the cowlicked one ever made as GM, and it seemed even more so after Pavano signed with the Evil Empire for big money and then sat on the DL for the better part of four years. I get all tingly just thinking about it. Tomorrow's pitchers are Tim Wakefield vs. Aaron Laffey, who is young enough to be Wakefield's son. I predict that old age and cunning will defeat youth and skill in that match-up.

In town for three days this weekend are the aforementioned Rays. I have instructed my co-workers that if I'm not at work Monday morning, they are to send out a search team, and make sure they bring lots of liquor.

Labels: game recaps, good vs. evil